Opening Weekend

Opening Weekend

First of all, I'm originally from Maine - so Vermont isn't really a huge climate change. Scratch that off of the "potential problems" list. While in High School I applied myself quite well to school and was successful, however I was fully aware of the potential difficulty of college classes. No problem there. I was quite socially active - being Stage Manager for our high school drama productions and Vice-President of our Key Club (a community service organization) for two years. Leadership skills and social skills - not an issue. 

My issue...not realizing HOW much and HOW fast things would change. I'm now living someplace that isn't "home." I don't have my dogs, I'm not eating dinner with my family, I'm not going to bed in MY bed, I'm not waking up by myself, I'm sharing a room with someone who is, right now, almost a stranger, and everyone else is going through the same "withdrawals" as I am. Also it's driving me insane that I don't have a car.

This creates a situation of isolation. Most people want to be by themselves and mourn the life they now realize they have left behind. Yes, we're going on to bigger and better things - but how many of us realized how quickly we would have to say goodbye and how finally. Not me.

I honestly thought that I would come to college and take classes and then go "home." But, now that I think about it...how can that work? I don't belong there anymore. I'm on a path to finding my own house and my own family. And right now, surrounded by people I don't know, it feels like I'm blindly searching all alone. And this is just the "Opening Weekend!" I haven't even started classes yet!

My god! What the hell, college!? I've never been one to cry, and honestly I thought college was going to be easy! But I have sobbed, uncontrollably, for the past three days because I was not emotionally ready for all of this change. It's terrifying! 

But the good news is, that it's terrifying to everyone. People just deal with it in different ways. My floormates are a perfect example. I stayed in my room and left the door shut, watching hulu and texting my Dad, trying to get him to convince me that it would be fun eventually. One girl went out partying off campus so that she wouldn't have to think about it. Another girl got really sick and stayed in bed all day. A boy walked around campus all by himself for the entire day. But, the thing in common? I would bet my Unsubsidized Student Loan that each of them fell asleep either crying or wanting to. We're all scared and sad. We just don't want anyone else to know. And maybe that isn't comforting to you, because it isn't very comforting to me, but at least you haven't quit. 

Just take it a day at a time with me. We'll try and struggle through this together.