Long Weekend

Long Weekend

WOOHOO! Long weekend! :|

Let's start with Friday.

Friday:

I went to an event held by my college. I highly recommend doing this - you'll meet new people and you'll have fun! I promise. Also, step out of your comfort zone! An acquaintance from my college orientation session back in June invited me to go to a local dinner held in our school's visitor center. It had local Vermont food (apple crispppppppp!) and dancing. This dancing was no ordinary dancing, it was CONTRA DANCING. Look it up. It's so much fun. Now, I'm an awkward overweight woman who does not feel comfortable shaking my booty. However, I went out and did contra dancing with people whom I barely knew and I had FUN! I wasn't embarrassed, or thinking about how I looked, I was just enjoying the fact that I was laughing. So I got back to my dorm around 9 p.m. and a hardcore party was going on on my dorm floor. My floormates were pre-gaming (drinking before they go drinking) and were making loads of noise! It was insane. Especially since I had never really been around underage drinking, so I was realllyyyy out of my element. No worries. I just secluded myself in my room. Then one of my floormates who doesn't drink texted me and invited me to her room to hang out. So I went to her room and we hung out until midnight. I fell asleep after the cops had come to the dorm three times, around 3 in the morning. WTH college!?

Saturday:

I slept in until noon. Shocker? Then I showered and read a book for a little bit. Pretty tame college life. Then my friends from the other night who invited me to their room were bored and decided to go outside to do SOMETHING, anything really. So we went to a college baseball game, mostly because there were free hot dogs. Yummy. Then we went back to their dorm and watched "The Dark Night." So much fun. Not to mention the fact that they make me laugh - something I've been short on ever since I got to college.

Sunday:

I woke up around 9. That's pretty normal. I've done my laundry...and dishes. I'm so responsible. Then I did some homework - not all of it. Now, I'm typing this and thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow and Tuesday. I have no classes on Tuesday, so I'm not entirely sure how to use my time. I guess I could take the city bus somewhere tomorrow and just explore - but, I feel like reading outside all weekend, especially after all the crazy-ness that was Friday. Reading seems normal to me, and home-y. That party was such a new and anxiety inducing experience. I'm sure by the time I get to Thanksgiving I'll be over it - but being such an innocent child, wow - that was new. Oh well - college is experience. 

Seriously?

Seriously?

Well, I've made some friends. I enjoy my classes. I don't eat alone anymore. I'm going out and actually doing things.

Than why do I want to cry? Why do I want to go home so badly? Why do I feel so sad?

Why do I miss being in my own bed?

Why am I so afraid? Why do I feel so out of place?

Why do I want to quit?

WTH college!?

Tuesday Off

Tuesday Off

I have no classes on Tuesdays (as you may have gathered from the heading), so I had to think of something to do, seeing as how I don't have very much homework yet. 

So here is what I did:

I got my loan check in the mail and I knew that I needed to deposit it in the bank. After realizing that my bank is about 30 minutes away by bus I decided to sign up for direct deposit. Then I used google transit (which you should totally check out if trying to understand the bus system is a confusing and stressful process for you) to find out where to catch the bus, where to get off, and where to get back on the bus. 

After figuring everything out, I decided to go to breakfast with a girl that I met on my floor. Now here's a lesson for you. Last night, I had gone to dinner by myself - very depressing and frustrating. Of course, I didn't go to a table, introduce myself, and ask to sit with new people because I personally believe that to be an unhealthy way to start friendships. When you do that, you're putting it upon the other person to talk to you, and you them. This can often be stressful and awkward - which doesn't start a friendship out to a good start. What I recommend doing is what my new friend did. We knew each other a little bit, seeing as how we both participated in "floor building exercises". She saw me leaving the cafeteria and said hello and asked what I was doing. I told her I had just eaten dinner, but nothing really. She told me that there was a craft fair at our visitor's center and invited me to come. 

Now this is a completely different situation. I said yes, because we wouldn't be in a situation that required any sort of social interaction. Therefore, we felt that we WANTED to talk to each other - not HAD to. It's such a huge difference. When you invite yourself some place you are putting yourself in a situation where people feel the NEED to include you, whereas when you invite someone or when you are invited it shows that people WANT to talk to you. This is more of a healthy start to a relationship. Of course, it may still be awkward - but that first step is more clearly an act of kindness and friendship than pity or inclusion.

ANYWAY! I went to breakfast with my friend and we walked together to Central Campus, she to get to class, and I to get to the bus. I took the bus - absolutely terrified that I was going to miss my stop. Which I did. However, I pulled the little cord and got off at a stop very soon after it. I walked about a fourth of a mile to the bank and deposited my check. Mission completed.

Now what? I guess I needed to catch the bus back to the University. Sounds kinda boring. So I decided to go for a walk. I walked along the bus route and saw just about nothing for a mile and a half and then decided to get on the bus. I took the bus back to the University and decided that it was time for lunch. 

I wasn't looking forward to eating lunch alone again - but I decided to do it anyways. I went to the dining hall and as I was going to find a seat, one of my floormates saw me and invited me to eat with her. We had a nice lunch and talked about a lot of different things. It was comfortable and nice.

Now I'm back in my dorm, procrastinating. I have some homework that I need to do, but not a lot. So, I guess, college does improve. It just takes some time. I still don't feel at home and waking up is stressful and disconcerting, however I enjoy my classes and I'm meeting new people. Things are looking up. And in the great words of Bobby McFerrin - "Don't worry, be happy."

:]

First Day of Classes

First Day of Classes

Well, after not making any friends in my dorm room, I've met a couple of people whom I could see myself, dare I say it?!, becoming friends with. 

That's the thing about dorms - you're thrown into a living situation with people who may have absolutely no common interests with you. When you go to your classes, you meet people who are there for similar reasons, and if you're as nerdy as I am, with the same amount of motivation. 

I'm not into partying. I'm at school because four years from now I want to be closer to my goals. I want to get into Veterinary School and graduate, eventually become a veterinarian for some sort of international animal rescue team. I have big dreams, and I know how much focus it takes to get there. Of course this doesn't mean that I want to study 14-hours a day, every day. I want to have fun too!

I'll go to comedy shows, concerts, outdoor events, kayaking, hiking - you name it, I'll do it. I just don't want to party! When I say "party" I am referring to sex, alcohol, and drugs. I'm not saying I'm against these things - I'm just saying I don't want them to be the focus of my life. First off, I'm underage and I don't want to break the law (that's just me and who I am). Secondly, I feel uncomfortable at parties that involve drugs, sex, or alcohol (once again, that's just who I am). And the good news? There are other people like me! They want to go to college to get an education and have fun, without destroying their mind/lives/grades in the process. I'm not alone, I just have to find the right people. And guess what...those people are in my classes, not my dorm. 

Today, I had General Biology, a physics class about imaging technology, General Chemistry, and Calculus - in that order. General Biology went well - it looks pretty straight forward and I met a girl who seemed really nice. However, in my imaging class, I lost all of the confidence that I had gained in Bio. My professor started doing a problem on the chalk board and he completely lost me. My naive self thought that he would explain it again because it was a new concept...however I got "You all should know this, it's simple algebra." Now, that very well could have been simple algebra (I did participate in the annual brain-dumping at the beginning of summer break), but I didn't understand it! Looks like I'm going to have to try extra hard in that class!

General Chemistry and Calculus lifted my spirits a bit. Of course they're going to be challenging, but not unmanageable. Not to mention the fact that there are MANY resources at my disposal for extra help - but to be honest, I just don't want people to think I'm stupid. I'm not saying that going to see a tutor makes you stupid, I'm just saying that I feel like I'm foggy in areas that should be clear. 

Classes are already stressing me out, as is money! I spent $760 on my books! AUGH! WHAT THE HELL COLLEGE!?

Opening Weekend

Opening Weekend

First of all, I'm originally from Maine - so Vermont isn't really a huge climate change. Scratch that off of the "potential problems" list. While in High School I applied myself quite well to school and was successful, however I was fully aware of the potential difficulty of college classes. No problem there. I was quite socially active - being Stage Manager for our high school drama productions and Vice-President of our Key Club (a community service organization) for two years. Leadership skills and social skills - not an issue. 

My issue...not realizing HOW much and HOW fast things would change. I'm now living someplace that isn't "home." I don't have my dogs, I'm not eating dinner with my family, I'm not going to bed in MY bed, I'm not waking up by myself, I'm sharing a room with someone who is, right now, almost a stranger, and everyone else is going through the same "withdrawals" as I am. Also it's driving me insane that I don't have a car.

This creates a situation of isolation. Most people want to be by themselves and mourn the life they now realize they have left behind. Yes, we're going on to bigger and better things - but how many of us realized how quickly we would have to say goodbye and how finally. Not me.

I honestly thought that I would come to college and take classes and then go "home." But, now that I think about it...how can that work? I don't belong there anymore. I'm on a path to finding my own house and my own family. And right now, surrounded by people I don't know, it feels like I'm blindly searching all alone. And this is just the "Opening Weekend!" I haven't even started classes yet!

My god! What the hell, college!? I've never been one to cry, and honestly I thought college was going to be easy! But I have sobbed, uncontrollably, for the past three days because I was not emotionally ready for all of this change. It's terrifying! 

But the good news is, that it's terrifying to everyone. People just deal with it in different ways. My floormates are a perfect example. I stayed in my room and left the door shut, watching hulu and texting my Dad, trying to get him to convince me that it would be fun eventually. One girl went out partying off campus so that she wouldn't have to think about it. Another girl got really sick and stayed in bed all day. A boy walked around campus all by himself for the entire day. But, the thing in common? I would bet my Unsubsidized Student Loan that each of them fell asleep either crying or wanting to. We're all scared and sad. We just don't want anyone else to know. And maybe that isn't comforting to you, because it isn't very comforting to me, but at least you haven't quit. 

Just take it a day at a time with me. We'll try and struggle through this together.